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Contributing Writer: Liliana Macias The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.... That phrase probably makes you think of one of the most famous Western films and Clint Eastwood (And ladies… his oh so handsome son Scott Eastwood!!). This film catapulted Clint Eastwood to super-stardom, a legendary tale of three bums who go around the civil war looking for money. As exciting as blowing up bridges and being an outlaw may seem, that is not what I’m referring too. You see, Fantasy Football has its own version of “The G.B.U” and here’s my version of it. It’s finally draft day and we’re all feeling pretty “Good” as we take a look at our keepers. I mean come on, those players who gave a superb performance last season are on your roster. Even better, you picked them up from the free agent list for an AMAZING DOLLAR. Sometimes that’s not the case, you actually pay top dollar for a player and that’s ok, what can possibly go wrong?! No matter what else happens during the draft you have your keepers. As the weeks go bye and you're actually able to stay in this magical good place, you feel like you have earned the right to start calling yourself the F.F.J (Fantasy Football Jedi) There is of course those of us who start to experience the “Bad.” Players that you paid top dollar for get placed on IR. I mean toes, thumbs, hips and every imaginable body part start to deteriorate. Why did this have to happen to me?? And then we have those who live by greed. Remember folks, the love for money is the root of all evil! (Stinkin’ Bell)  So, what do we do next? We desperately start looking at those free agents even if the guy that got injured isn’t ours! Why? Because we all want the next big thing. You bid $30 on a guy who you know everyone will be bidding on to only find out that you were the only one who thought this guy was the next Brett Favre or Marcus Allen. Yup, that transaction list is pretty clear. You could have saved yourself $29 and still kept him. Or how about when you get outbid by just $1? Ah that stings a little. If we only knew what everyone else was thinking.  Can it get worse? Oh, you bet cha’. Two words……. “Trade Proposals” A.K.A the “UGLY” Why do trade proposals cause skepticism? Because we all fall short of the certainty of what the outcome will be for us. Sometimes it only takes a few seconds to decline a trade because there’s just no way we’re giving up our RB1 for 3 mediocre players. Other times we take a closer look, compare stats and after much thought we make our decision. We have 3 options, accept, decline or counter offer and hope that we’ve made the right decision for our team. But wait there’s more. We also get notifications when fellow league members have accepted a trade proposal. Madea can best explain my thoughts as to how I imagine things went down for some after looking at the trade proposal that ignited the league page on week 13. With all joking aside, we all have the opportunity to voice our opinion about these trades by either accepting or vetoing them. Sometimes the vote goes exactly how we want it to but what about when it doesn't? We suck it up and show good sportsmanship, knowing that it goes a long way.  For those of you who made it to the playoffs, congratulations. To my fellow toilet bowl contenders, I feel your pain. To our wonderful league manager, thank you so much Janelle for all the dedication you’ve invested in this league for the last 15 years!! In your famous words “Start a fantasy football league they said, it’ll be fun they said.” Please know that you have accomplished that. What a great way to get distracted from the “real world” and “real problems”. Thank you for always keeping things positive. You got something real special going here.
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Final Season Ending Game by Tom Agayoff
(To be sung to the melody of Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down written by Kris Kristofferson and sung by Johnny Cash) Well I woke up Sunday morning Thinking in my head That I could win Thursday night's performance by Drew Brees Was so bad I thought might have a chance. Then I mumbled to myself bout my chances s'not good to think about. And I shaved my face And combed my hair And trotted down the hall to face my fate. I'd racked my brain the night before With Ce' vers and Backs That I've been switch-en' Pow-ered up my Lap Top, and wai-ted with eager an-ti-ca-pa-tion'. Assessed the forty points on Thurs-day- 3 hun-dred minutes left eyeing pan-ic-stricken And I look back on the sea-son At games I'd lost somehow not trading along the way. On the Sun-day Mor-ning fi-nal sea-son end-ing show-down Cause there's something in this Sunday That makes a player feel alone And there's nothing short of crying Half as irksome or profound with those final seconds on Monday and the season crashing down. Contributing Writer: Carlos VelascoMr Cha-Ching defeats Straight outta Gofton: 123-75
Finally Cha-Ching was back in the win column. It’s been a rough season and they really needed this win. With a good games from the Ravens Defense he pulled it off. SOG initially looked like he would take this match-up but Andy Dalton went down and Michael Thomas didn’t show up - much like the rest of his team - aside from Edelman. Armed Rodgery defeats Truffle Shuffle: 128-119 Truffle Shuffle once again put up a good fight but she suffered the Fantasy Football fate when one or two guys give you nada. Miller’s Monday night game almost seemed like they could have pulled off the win. Rodgery had good week, headed by Saquon. A good send off before the team traded him. Overall they had good stats - nicely balanced. Packing Heat defeats Bye Week: 150-111 I’m sorry, Dad... As we’ve seen all year Packing Heat be bringing that Heat. It’s looking like Heat might be one of the two finalists in the Championship game. Thielen led the power attack with their highest score 24. While BYE Week did well this week but we almost all knew it would be difficult to take this matchup. Mayfield came out swinging with a big 34 points while the rest just had an average game. Worthy of my Greatness defeats Kashyyyk Wookies: 92-52 Just another sad week for the Wookies team. One week they have a good week, then the next they just looks horrible. Only good thing they have going for themselves is the amount of money to spend for next year. We will see how that works out. And Alonzo won but let’s leave it at that - onto the next one . LOL Lloyd Dobler defeats Chief Deflater: 147-104 Talk about putting up some good points. Dobler came out with guns on fire led by Amari Cooper with an amazing 40 points. To go along with his teammate, Elliot’s 26 points. An amazing effort from the Chief but they just didn’t have enough this week to defeat Dobler. The down side of bye weeks- they really missed Cooks and Kelce. Well maybe next time. Ertz when Eifert defeats Ram I Am: 175-138 Talk about putting up a fight. Ram I Am in another matchup probably would have won. When you’re playing versus this high octane offense - only way you will win is, well if multiple guys got injured. Ertz had 5 guys with plus 20 points with one of them being close to 50 (McCaffrey). Looks like another for the Championship Game. Could it be Ertz vs Heat? Guess we will have to wait and see how the season unfolds. Contributing Writer: Collette Emshoff
OMG! First of all, hats off to stellar coaching by Andy Reid & Sean McVay. Truly the front runners of the NFL. Andy Reid poses the Chiefs offense in shotgun formation. While McVay leads the NFL in the Rams under center formation. Then perfectly matched were the defense of both teams. The Rams defense scored two touchdowns and the Chiefs defense scored one touchdown. A competitive game with caliber players. Between the two, Rams and Chiefs gained 1001 yards. Scored 104 points. It goes down in history as the most points scored in MNF and third most in NFL history. The first game in which each team scored 50 points. The only team to have scored fifty points and lost. Absolutely everybody got in on the action. In fantasy points: Mahomes: 50 points Goff: 44 points Conley: 24 points Reynolds: 19 points Hill:47 points Kelce:29 points Kareem: 17 points Rams D/ST :24 points Chiefs D/ST: 23 points Greatest regular game! Could we see this rematch for the Super Bowl? Contributing Song Writer & Video Production: Tom AgayoffContributing Writer: Janelle Caballero
Welcome to the 5th Annual Mid-Season Awards! We are your hosts, Bob Saget and Katy Perry, and we’re excited to bring you the most anticipated award show EVER. And yes, we’re being serious. This award show is brought to you by Tito’s Vodka, because without them, you can’t have Moscow Mules. And life without drinks in copper mugs is no life at all. As many of you are aware, this award show was previously hosted on the Fountain Network, but was moved to our network after last year’s host had one too many martini’s on stage. Um, I mean it moved networks due to streaming rights. So let’s begin our award reveals… who’s ready? Take it away, Bob. Trashtalker of the Year award: While he cannot be described as a “trash talking” King, the owner of Worthy of My Greatness is often seen flapping his lips on the smack boards… I mean his team name is basically trash talk to everyone else in the league. Let’s see if they really are worthy of greatness in the playoffs. (In Alonzo’s acceptance speech there were a lot of *Waves* and *Hugs*. He wrapped up his speech with a “Holy Cow Bortles please be my hero!” *Chuckles* before exiting the stage) As we didn’t have any Rookies this season, the Rookie of the Year award has been replaced with the Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen Award: One year after putting in a 9-4 season, Mr. Cha-Ching sits at 3-7 and looks to finish below .500. He’s also in contention to play for the coveted Toilet Bowl Trophy. (We’re sorry to say that Mr. Cha-Ching couldn’t make it here to accept this award… he’s too busy spending his FAAB money on kickers.) Comeback Owner of the Year: One year after going 4-9 all season, BYE Week is already 4-6 with 3 weeks left. The other Comeback Owner… Packing Heat. Heat also had a 4-9 record last year, and is now sitting at 6-4 and has a decent shot at the playoffs. (While we do have 2 winners this year, only one will get the trophy, so I guess you’ll have to duel it out after the show. We don’t want to see that onstage so please remain in your seats.) Our next award, really does not have a surprise winner this year… You'd Really Have to Screw up to Miss the Playoffs award: Ertz when Eifert has sealed up their playoff spot, and not only that, they have already clinched a Division Leader win. As of week 10, they have a 9-1 record. With only 3 weeks left to play in the regular season, the team closest to him is Ram I Am with a 5-5 record. He’s also 2 wins away from securing the best Head-to-Head record EVER recorded in this league. Previous winner of that title: Ertz when Eifert with a 10-3 record in 2016. The same year he lost in the 2nd round of the playoffs. (Clay reaches the stage and grabs the microphone… “I win at LIFE people. Deal with it!” Exits stage left, holding the trophy over his head) No Shot of the Playoffs award: Those delicious Truffles need some Shuffle in their step if they are going to avoid the dreaded Toilet Bowl…. Fortunately for them, they have some competition with Mr. Cha-Ching hanging out in the basement with them. Mired in Mediocrity award: Well, this award goes to… the entire Abusement Park Division. All four teams are either at 4-6 or 3-7. Whichever team snags a 6-7 record could easily win that division…. By a landslide. Worst Trade Offer award: Well, this award is normally reserved for Straight Outta Goffton, and while the Awards Committee has witnessed some tragic trade offerings this year by SOG…. he was actually the recipient of a bad trade deal when he dealt away James White for LeSean McCoy. Since that trade, McCoy has only 2 games with over 10 points, while White has had 4. Crappiest Team with a Winning Record: And the winner is….Ram I Am. Despite having the lowest total points scored on the season (839 pts) he sits surprisingly at .500 with a 5-5 record. Will he continue this defiance of the fantasy gods or will his crappy team finally catch up to him? Most Frugal Team Owner: Spending money on your team can be a recipe for success… not spending money on your team? Perhaps a recipe for disaster. Just ask the Kashyyk Wookies ($232) and Mr. Cha-Ching ($220) ….. They have 4-6 and 3-7 records respectively. Perhaps they will learn to part with their money so they can build a decent team next year…..or as Jon Gruden calls it a 10-year plan. Well, Folks this wraps up our fabulous Mid-Season Awards show. We’re hoping you found it as exciting as we did, and perhaps next year the show will be on a new network. One with better drinks. Good night. Contributing Writer: Alonzo Beadle
Bye Week vs. Chiefly Deflated It was the battle of We're Not Quite at 500 yet between Chiefly Deflated and oh... it's another Bye Week. Bye Weakly Tee offed on their right foot as QB Jared Goffed a stellar round of 31 off of the back 9 while Stefan "Can you Digg it" Diggs pulled in 28 pts. But would that be enough to hold off the Deflated one as 3, three, threeee of Bye Weakly's team had 3 pts each? The Patriots came to the Defense by singing Yankee Doodle Dandy and scored 20 pts. The Chiefs would not allow themselves to be tomahawk chopped on any Bye Weakly basis and got to work. Mitchel the Truebeasty of Chicago tossed the pigskin for a solid 27 pts. The Eagles D soared for 11 and Stephen Gastikowski let his legs to the walking for 15. Things were looking good until Brandin only Cooked for 7 and the Ingram Angle came out at 8. It was left up to Travis Kelce to bring home the bacon but was found in the corner whispering 18 times "there's no place like home"... L: Chief Deflators (90 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Bye WEek (107 pts) Record: 4-4 Ertz When Eifert vs. Mr. Cha-Ching Next up was the battle between the looongest losing streak vs the looongest winning streak as MR CHA -CHING tried to dethrone Ertz when Eifert. Magic CAN happen on ANY given Sunday but today wouldn't be one of them! Cam the Big Fig Newton threw for 31 and Derek drove Cha -Chings Carr for 33 both while sitting on the bench but don't worry Joe Flaco thinned down his points to only 10. We know, we know,... it's all in your strategy. All wasn't lost for Mr Cha -Ching as Joe Mix'DIn 26 and Mike Evans shone for 31. The final result,... The losing and winning streak continue. L: Mr. Cha-Ching (117 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Ertz when Eifert (147 pts) Record: 7-1 Contributing Writer: Justin Moreno Lloyd Dobler vs Kashyyyk Wookies This week, Dobler made the right call by starting Luck (29 points) over Brees (8 points). But even that could not salvage the week as Dobler had several poor performances by Funchess (2 points), Burton (1 point), and Allison (1 point). By the time Sunday night rolled around, Dobler’s kicker, Will Lutz would have needed a 30 point game and hope that Latavius Murray would have got skunked. Lutz did his best (16 points) and unfortunately for Dobler, Murray had a great night (19 points). Dobler did have a few players show up – Luck 29 points), Gurley (33 points – STUD), Lindsay (16 points), and Goodwin (13 points). But otherwise, it wasn’t a great week which led to another “L”. The only position battle won by Dobler was maybe the RB (Gurley) and the K (Lutz). Not a good recipe for winning. The Wookies coach looks like a genius as APAD Adrian Peterson continues to roll along (27 points, 2 TDs, 149 yards – including a 64 yard game clinching TD). That’s old-school. He continues to move up the all-time NFL top 10 RB yardage list, as he just passed Tony Dorsett to move into the #9 slot. Next up, Eric Dickerson. The Wookies also had great scoring from Wentz (27 points), Jordan Howard (14 points). Marvin Jones (29 points), Golden Tate (10 points), and Kittle (10 points). Overall, with the Wookies win, both teams sit at 3-5. The Wookies’ record may not look great, but the team can score. The last two weeks it has come up with 150 points and 143 points. The two weeks before that, they only scored 75 and 51 points. And the team has scored 152 points and still got a loss. If the Wookies can avoid sub 100 point games, it can go on a run and maybe jump into the playoffs and do some damage. Meanwhile, Dobler is 3 games back in its division and hoping to turn its season around this week. Cooper to the Cowboys! He’s still benched this week. L: Lloyd Dobler (120 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Kashyyyk Wookies (143 pts) Record: 3-5 Contributing Writer: Dana Gretchen SOG vs Armed Rodgery 105-84 He came busting through the door! He was about to take down the bank of goftton! He was armed to the max! He just got his new weapon James White, he had the best QB in the game. But as he approached the security guard he suddenly realized he forgot tho load them.... he took a shot with his Saquan Barkley but only little bubbles came out, this was getting embarrassing. The bank of Goffton was catching on, so they pushed there Kareem hunt button under the counter. All of a sudden the building was surrounded by Andy Daulton's, these red headed step child's were not messing around! Mr Armed Rodgery could here them through the mega phone telling him to put his 84 points down, he was so confused at this point.So as a last resort he pulled out his TY Hilton and his Randle Cobb and started shooting, but the guns were pointed at himself so he died. L: Armed Rodgery (84 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Straight Outta Goffton (105 pts) Record: 6-2 Ram I Am vs Truffle Shuffle All I can say about this match up is points were used up in other match ups this week, so these are the leftovers. Truffles have had it rough! No Bell to ring for backup when the going gets rough. And as far as the other opponent, the title "RAM" should be taken away. The LA Rams sent me a letter saying they are happy to take a win but embarrassed by the performance. L: Truffle Shuffle (61 pts) Record: 2-6 W: Ram I Am (73 pts) Record: 5-3 Contributing Writer: Janelle Caballero Worthy of My Greatness vs Packing Heat In an interdivision matchup the WMG took on the Packing Heat in week 8. Both teams have some solid players and have potential to take their team into the postseason. The battle of the QB was an easy win for the Heat as their team captain is the red-hot rookie sensation, Patrick Mahomes. Mahomes scored 34 points for the Heat. Meanwhile, the Worthy’s QB is the over-the-hill Eli “Babyface” Manning, who settled for a mere 14 points. (Update: Manning was immediately dropped to the waiver wire after this game) Unfortunately, for the Heat, the battle of the QB was only the beginning of this saga. Worthy’s team would outscore the Heat in every position except for kicker. Despite scoring 117 points, the Heat’s fire was put out by the Greatness’ 153 points. The battle of the division leader continues with SOG in the top spot. Who will hold that crown at the end of the season? L: Packing Heat (117 pts) Record: 4-4 W: Worthy of My Greatness (153 pts) Record: 5-3 Welcome to the "Goodfellas & a Bad Girl" weekly recap. Contributing Writers: Justin Moreno, Alonzo Beadle, Janelle Caballero & Dana Gretchen.
Contributing Writer: Justin Moreno Lloyd Dobler vs Straight Outta Goffton Lloyd Dobler is quickly earning a reputation as the basement-dwelling-punching-bag team in the Goodfellas ‘N A Bad Girl division. After getting thrashed by Packing Heat, Dobler had a good week in practice, with players swearing the bad play was behind them, and were eagerly looking forward to playing division rival Goffton. Dobler benched Amari Cooper because of his recent performance. Dobler almost started Luck, but opted to go with Brees a minute before game time. Gurley (26 points) had another stellar week with 2 rushing TD’s and 1 receiving TD. Trey Burton (24 points) went off for 9 catches, 126 yards and a TD. Brees (20 points), Funchess (20 points), and Phillip Lindsay (16 points) all held their own. But Zeke Elliot (3 points) and Marquise Goodwin (2 points) were complete busts and totally dragged the team down. The extra 10 points from Luck over Brees would have helped, but not nearly enough to overcome the dud performances of Elliot and Goodwin. Maybe Cooper going to the Cowboys will turn his season around… time will tell. Goffton acquired McCoy through trade, but the newly acquired centerpiece RB should have stayed home as he would have done just as well (0 points). Despite that sad performance, Goffton’s other players stepped up. Jameis took an Uber to the game and wasn’t sued (19 points)! Michael Thomas (17 points) had another consistent week. Robert Woods remained a top 10 WR (12 points). Ertz pulled in 9 grabs for 138 yards (19 points). Josh Gordon (aka Lazarus) had 4 catches for 100 yards. And with brilliant coaching moves, Gofton went with Greg Zuerlein at Kicker (13 points) and the Colts D (21 points) against one of the worst offenses in the history of the NFL – the Bills. Dobler had a 125 – 112 lead going into the Sunday night game, but Gofton still had Kareem Hunt to play. Hunt (36 points) removed any doubt from the game being a nail biter and went off for 15 rushes, 86 yards, and a TD, plus 5 catches for 55 yards and 2 TD’s. Hunt is proving to be a key weapon (top 5 RB) on a hot KC offense. With this win, Gofton (5-2) stays a game up on Packing Heat (4-3) and Worthy of Greatness (4-3). Dobler (3-4) is under .500 and looking up at everyone in its division, hoping to turn its season around in Week 8. Contributing Writer: Alonzo Beadle Worthy of My Greatness vs. Ram I Am It was the Bye week challenge for Worthy of My Greatness as The Core Four of his team were on Bye as he faced Ram I Am who left two open roster spots due to bye weeks. The hope was that he would be able to squeak by this week with a hard earned victory. Filled with fantasy dreams Mr. Worthy work up early and looked at his phone and saw that he was down by 48 points and the games hadn't started?! WHAAAAT, as he arose wondering if he got up late and his clock was off the mark?! Ah, but it was true Phillip Rivers continued his hot hand throwing lightning bolts for two strikes and 28 points while WMG's QB & bench was found unworthy. After the game two limeys invited the defeated for a consolation prize of tea and crumpets. Victory Ram I Am. Kashyyyk Wookies vs Mr Cha -Ching It looked AS IF this one was in the bag for Mr Cha -Ching as the Cashleees Wookies had been putting bottom feeder points on the board during the season but to everyone's surprise the Wookies Denver-D Cashed in Arizona for 42 blistering points while Carson Went crazy for 22 points and the Wookies never looked back. The Cha -Ching started to roll out the fedia but came up short 21 pesos. While leaving the field Mr. Cha -Ching was heard saying "how'D that hole get in my pocket"... Victory Kashyyyk Wookies. Contributing Writer: Janelle Caballero Chief Deflators vs Packing Heat After being thoroughly deflated in Week 6 by the Armed Rodgery, the Deflators were hoping for a huge comeback win against the Packing Heat. At the start of the week, there seemed to be little hope for the Big Chief as they were projected to lose by 30 points. However, with a hot start from their QB Trubisky their projections jumped up prematurely and gave the Deflators some hope. Unfortunately, for them the rest of their team decided to take the week off. With the exception of Travis Kelce (14 pts) and Brandin Cooks (12 pts), the rest of the Deflators each scored less than 9 points. Packing Heat turned on the power boosters in the Sunday night game, with Mahomes and Hill combining for 57 points. Armed Rodgery vs. Ertz when Eifert Every season there’s the one team that stands above the rest. This year, that team is the current reigning champions, Ertz when Eifert. With the exception of a one point loss in week 1, the Ertz has been unbeatable. Armed Rodgery was hoping to put an end to that winning streak. The rest of the league looked on with anticipation and hope that someone would finally take down the mighty juggernaut. Sadly, the Armed Clan were out of ammunition with their star QB on BYE, and Matt Brieda leaving the game early with an injury but not before producing a fumble in the process. Five players combined for a total of 15 points which really put the Ertz at an advantage. The only sharpshooters of the group were the newly acquired, James White (26 pts) and Saquon Barkley (22 pts). Next up on Ertz victim list: Mr. Cha-Ching. Perhaps money can buy them a victory??!?? Welcome to the "Goodfellas & a Bad Girl" weekly recap. Contributing Writers: Justin Moreno, Alonzo Beadle, Janelle Caballero & Dana Gretchen.
Contributing Writer: Justin Moreno Lloyd Dobler vs Packing Heat Packing Heat (and Armed Rodgery) took a road trip to Visalia to work at a wedding, but more importantly to experience the wonderful hospitality offered by Lloyd Dobler. After the welcoming party was over, Packing Heat threw a serious beat down on Lloyd. Lloyd Dobler, on paper, has all the pieces to make a playoff run. But the team has not fired on all cylinders this year, which it could not afford to do in their Week 6 matching against a red-hot Packing Heat squad. Dobler got somewhat predictable scoring from Luck (30), Gurley (35), and Elliot (18). Luck is on a terrible team and is often playing catchup, as was the case against the J-E-T-S. So his 4 TD’s were a welcome sight, but the 3 picks were not. Gurley went off for 208 yards and 2 TD’s as he continues to rip up the league. But Amari Cooper – yuck – posted a big fat goose egg. I thought this guy would have a solid year, so I’m not sure what’s happening up in Oakland (intentional tanking?). In any case, Dobler, the amazing host, put up a respectable 117 points, and still got decimated. Packing Heat actually had the game won before the Sunday night matchup between the Chiefs and Patriots, featuring the #1 QB in the league (Mahomes). Mahomie dropped a cool 38 points, despite losing to the Patriots. By the time the Sunday night game started, Lloyd was drinking beer and asking when Packing Heat (and Armed Rodgery) would be headed home. Never before has an amazing host felt so humiliated in the history of mankind. In all seriousness, Packing Heat tore up Week 6. Melvin Gordon (33), Julio Jones (24), Thielen (29) – wish I would have drafted him!, Ebron (10), and Allen (10). After the bludgeoning of the host was over, Packing Heat had a cool 161 points on the board, and that’s with Tyreek Hill (40 points) sitting on the bench. Packing Heat is stacked and looks poised to destroy other challengers. Moral of the story: Don’t host her, unless you can hack her account and bench a few players. L: Lloyd Dobler (117 pts) Record: 3-3 W: Packing Heat (161 pts) Record: 3-3 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contributing Writer: Alonzo Beadle Worthy of My Greatness vs. Mr Cha -Ching The Worthy ones trotted onto the field led by The Core Four. James "Bond" Conner, Davante "Love Me" Adams, Antonio "Down Town" Brown and Ooooh those "Golden" Jimmy Grahams who busted out a solid 99pts. The crew put 138 points worth of beat down on the Cha -Ching. Mr -Ching's all time fav captain Cam The Big Fig Newton put up 27 points while 5 of his mates cashed out with only 10 points total. It was a sad day as Mr. continued his now 3 game loser streak. Would next week by his fourth?! :O Victory WMG! L: Mr. Cha-Ching (79 pts) Record: 3-3 W: Worthy of My Greatness (138 pts) Record: 4-2 Ertz when Efiert vs Truffle Shuffle So far the Ertz seems to be dominating the league but would he continue his master against the Truffle? It wouldn't take long as each Ert, fierted double digits while Matt Von Ryan's Express powered down the tracks for 33pts. There was a lil Tuffle with the Shuffle as the Truffle's lined up for their routine. Imagine the confusion when one of the Ertz members quietly played the record from LMFAO's Sexy and I know it? Everyone was shocked as they shuffled to "Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, yeah". :O Victory Ertz! L: Truffle Shuffle (89 pts) Record: 2-4 W: Ertz when Eifert (150 pts) Record: 5-1 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contributing Writer: Janelle Caballero Bye Week vs. Bye Week… um, I mean Wookies Three years removed from a Fantasy Championship and one year from being the top-seeded team heading into the playoffs last season, the Wookies are looking like they are in a ‘rebuilding year’. Heading into week 6, they had a 1-5 record, quite possibly their worst start in franchise history. After week 6, they now have 614 total points scored, which puts them 275 points behind the highest scoring team, Ertz when Eifert. It’s not hard to figure out why they haven’t been scoring many points each week, with only 1 player ranked in the top 10 of their position who’s not injured. Their TE, Kittle, gets that title, who the Wookies payed $26 off the waiver wire for. Their other top 10 player, Cooper Kupp (ranked 9 at WR), is now injured and will be out at least through week 7. Now let’s look at BYE Weeks, stats. Heading into week 6, they had a 2-3 record. Definitely not terrible, but could use some vast improvement. Through week 7 they’ve scored, 577 points, which puts them 312 points behind Ertz. However, in recent weeks their player rankings have gotten better, and they have 5 players ranked in the top 10 of their position. Given these stats, the real BYE Week team, had an actual shot at beating the Wookies. Playing QB for BYE Week was the red hot, Goff, coming off a 52-point affair in week 4, but was held to only 7 points against a strong Denver defense. The Wookies QB, Watson who has had a relatively slow start this season, also finished with a measly 7 points. Good thing these two teams didn’t tie on team points, or their QBs would’ve lost them the game. Needless to say, this was a pretty ho-hum game with most of the Wookies action coming from their benched players (86 points on the bench?!?). BYE Week had a few bright spots on the team: WR Alshon Jeffery (24 points), WR Taylor Gabriel (17 points) and their kicker Butker (18 points). In the end, BYE week kicked Wookies Butker right where it counts. L: Wookies (51 pts) Record: 1-5 W: Bye Week (83 pts) Record: 3-3 Armed Rodgery vs Chief Deflators Armed Rodgery? Honestly this team should be named, Armed Barkley. The #2 ranked RB, Saquon Barkley has scored 145 points for the Armed clan. That’s pretty great for a guy who’s playing on one of the worst offenses in the league (NY Giants). Heading into this matchup these two teams seemed pretty evenly matched, but a strong showing from Armed Rodgers (33), Sheriff Barkley (36), Outlaw Boyd (23) and Texas Ranger Hooper (18) put the Armed Brigade ahead of the Deflators by 68 points. A big fat goose egg by Alfred Morris, left the Deflators, well… a little deflated. Let’s see if their team can bounce back in week 7. L: Deflators (73 pts) Record: 3-3 W: Armed Rodgery (141 pts) Record 3-3 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contributing Writer: Dana Gretchen Straight Outta Goffton vs Ram I Ain't 154 vs 49 Well another week in the books and another chance for Viju to smell that sweet toilet paper on his favorite trophy. Its been a crazy season to this point, but who cares because rams are the best team in football! Oh its hurt for so long, I was starting to even miss the Sam Bradford and Stephen Jackson days, and those really sucked, but its all good now. So Viju... take 49 points and jump for joy! L: Ram I Am (49 pts) Record 3-3 W: Straight Outta Goffton (154 pts) Record 4-2 THE END Contributing Writer: Viju Mathew Hi One Leaguers, you’re friend Oprah here. As I’m sure all of you are aware, September was not only when the NFL’s regular season started, it was also National Literacy Month. With that in mind, I’m starting a branch of my famous book club just for y’all. Now I know some of you haven’t cracked open a book since Reading Rainbow was your must see TV, but it’s time to empower yourselves people and let the written word work wonders on your quality of life. (No, Alonzo and Carlos, coloring books don’t count.) Anywho, I’ve taken it upon myself to come up with our reading list for the first few months. These are American classics that everyone should know, but I’ve provided a brief synopsis in case you were home with mono that year of high school (looking at you Lils).  As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner The 1930’s story of three close friends, Will Fuller, Kenny Stills, and Dion Lewis who skip work one day, a day that their kind-hearted employer at the farm really needed them because he had been brutally attacked by the evil Tom Brady whom he caught stealing kale. A passerby, Brandon Cooks, tried to save him but only managed to hear “Ram I am” muttered through the last wheezing breath of the brave man before he expired. The book is written in the stream-of-consciousness style which makes it often hard to follow, much like Leonard Fournette’s injury status.  On the Road by Jack Kerouac A work that helped define the Beat generation, the tale told is of a fresh-faced young Patrick Mahomes and his friends who travel in Bohemian fashion to prove that money is not their master. Not even sheriff Cam Newton or the formidable Cardinals gang are a match for the heat their packing. The cha-ching of pocket change is all they need to be happy and free, until cirrhosis of the liver sets in—just like Jack.  Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury A book about the banning of books, this ironic piece of fiction is a chilling account of what happens when the wrong people become powerful. Viewing none worthy of their greatness, the ruthless regime led by the enigmatic Odell Beckham Jr. and James Connor crush a rebel insurgence under captain Kirk Cousins. Sure the band of book burners are hot for the moment, but despotic dreams inevitably get extinguished.  A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway Falsely accused of committing armed rodgery, a young Saquon Barkely escapes the United States and joins the Italian Army’s ambulance corps during WWI. He befriends a soldier named Aaron, who, despite being easily injured (and a bit pouty), helps Saquon beat up a weakened enemy who rely too heavily on an old man of questionable character, Adrian Petersen. Sadly, Saquon falls in love with an English nurse, Mason Crosby, who eventually kicks him to the curb. The Italian Army adopts the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy soon after.  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey The harrowing account of a mentally sound man (ok, reasonably sound), Lloyd Dobler, who finds himself trapped in a hospital for the criminally insane. Doctors Isaiah Crowell and Stefon Diggs misdiagnose the protagonist and convince him that winning is bad and that he needs to be punished. Before his loved ones can get him out, Dobler is given a lobotomy and is left to live a life where every day is a Bye Week.  Moby Dick by Herman Melville (Quite snickering Carlos, that’s really the name of the book). Melville’s timeless tome is a study of two powerful forces engaged in mortal conflict: Captain Ahab Gofton and, well, a whale. The two hard-chargers are bent on destroying each other. Despite the valiant effort of sailors Marshawn Lynch and Alvin Kamara, who try to sabotage both sides and level the playing field, another crewman (and member of Greenpeace), Christian McCafffrey, helps the whale win. Remember, One Leaguers, all of these novels can be purchased at oprah.com. First meet-up is at my place in Montecito. Oh, and bring plenty of Cab Franc…it gets Stedman frisky.
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