4th Annual Mid-Season Awards

Contributing Writer: Mike Fountain of Kashyyyk Wookies

Good evening folks. Welcome to the 4th Annual but I think we skipped last year “One League to Rule Them All” Mid-Season Awards.  I’m your host Chuck Woolery.  You know one place you will never find me?  At the Post Office, that’s because I use stamps.com.  It’s great! Print postage right on your home computer.  To skip the lines and avoid rubbing elbows with vagrants at the Post Office, use stamps.com.  Enter the promo code “suckitTrebekk” and get a four week trial, postage and a scale.  

Now that we have the business side of things taken care of, cozy up with your phone and grab a cocktail. (sips dirty martini) Ah, that’s tasty!  (Looks at producer) Why can’t we be sponsored by Bombay Sapphire??

It’s alway an interesting year for The League, fast starts, high hopes and dreams that get shattered like a collar bone. Returning owners, owners leaving, name changes.  Through it all The League still remains strong because of strong leadership. Which lead us to our first award of the event.

"The We Couldn't Have Done it Without You" award.  (Fiddles with envelope) I'm so excited I can't wait to see who wins...Janelle!! (Camera pans to League members as they give a standing ovation hoping the Commish will reward them with extra FAAB.)

​Oh this is great, you know folks, I really enjoy award season, great people, great food, and free drinks! (Grabs and drinks a gin rickey)  Great job again this year, Janelle.  Let's move on to the next award.  Ah, yes there is it.  Sorry folks I'm having a little trouble reading the prompter.

"Rookie of the Year" award.  Goes to Collette!  Collette come one up here and get this trophy!  Well folks no surprise with that one she’s the only new member.  Wait, she’s been here before, does she even qualify as a rookie? Oh well it’s in the prompter, so I’m reading it. (Looks off stage) Hey hey you back there another martini pronto!!

"Comeback Owner of the Year"  Collette?!  How does she qualify for both awards? (Throws mic at producer)  This makes no sense.

Let's keep this party rollin' shall we?  The next two awards fall on opposite sides of the spectrum

"You'd Really Have to Screw up to Miss the Playoffs" award.  Goes to Mike.  He has the best record at the mid-way point and it's almost impossible for him to miss the playoffs.  Well, I guess nothing's impossible.  We’ve seen him go on a big losing streak before.

"No Shot of the Playoffs" award. Alonzo.  No drama for this award, one can only assume that he is saving cap space building for next year when you look at this roster construction.  (Tosses back martini) Tom was nipping at Beadles heels for this award but his division is terrible and mired in mediocracy.  Speaking of mediocracy

It's time for the "Mired in Mediocracy" award.  This one is for you busters fighting it out in the middle of your divisions.  Like my friend Ricky Bobby says "If you ain't first, you last!"  The bottom half of the Rohan division is just terrible this year all of these “winners” are below 500 please welcome to the stage, Josh, Janelle, Clay and Tom. Go take your poo trophy this will be the only winning that you will be doing this year.  (Looks at producer) I am not drunk! (Looking at camera with a wink and smile).  Yes, yes everyone clap away for their general sucktitude.  Let's wrap this thing up so I can get my paycheck and grab another cocktail.

For the last award of the evening it's a fan favorite "Worst Trade Offer" award.  Dana!!  Wow, folks Dana has a strangle hold on this award.  He's a virtual lock for it year after year.  

In Dana's acceptance speech, he simply said, "I'm not going to change."

Well folks I'm getting the wrap it up signal from the producers.  Don't forget to tip your waitress and take an Uber home.  Now where is my paycheck and cocktail.  (drops the mic)

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