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Welcome to the "Goodfellas & a Bad Girl" weekly recap. Contributing Writers: Justin Moreno, Alonzo Beadle, Janelle Caballero & Dana Gretchen.
Contributing Writer: Justin Moreno Lloyd Dobler vs Straight Outta Goffton Lloyd Dobler is quickly earning a reputation as the basement-dwelling-punching-bag team in the Goodfellas ‘N A Bad Girl division. After getting thrashed by Packing Heat, Dobler had a good week in practice, with players swearing the bad play was behind them, and were eagerly looking forward to playing division rival Goffton. Dobler benched Amari Cooper because of his recent performance. Dobler almost started Luck, but opted to go with Brees a minute before game time. Gurley (26 points) had another stellar week with 2 rushing TD’s and 1 receiving TD. Trey Burton (24 points) went off for 9 catches, 126 yards and a TD. Brees (20 points), Funchess (20 points), and Phillip Lindsay (16 points) all held their own. But Zeke Elliot (3 points) and Marquise Goodwin (2 points) were complete busts and totally dragged the team down. The extra 10 points from Luck over Brees would have helped, but not nearly enough to overcome the dud performances of Elliot and Goodwin. Maybe Cooper going to the Cowboys will turn his season around… time will tell. Goffton acquired McCoy through trade, but the newly acquired centerpiece RB should have stayed home as he would have done just as well (0 points). Despite that sad performance, Goffton’s other players stepped up. Jameis took an Uber to the game and wasn’t sued (19 points)! Michael Thomas (17 points) had another consistent week. Robert Woods remained a top 10 WR (12 points). Ertz pulled in 9 grabs for 138 yards (19 points). Josh Gordon (aka Lazarus) had 4 catches for 100 yards. And with brilliant coaching moves, Gofton went with Greg Zuerlein at Kicker (13 points) and the Colts D (21 points) against one of the worst offenses in the history of the NFL – the Bills. Dobler had a 125 – 112 lead going into the Sunday night game, but Gofton still had Kareem Hunt to play. Hunt (36 points) removed any doubt from the game being a nail biter and went off for 15 rushes, 86 yards, and a TD, plus 5 catches for 55 yards and 2 TD’s. Hunt is proving to be a key weapon (top 5 RB) on a hot KC offense. With this win, Gofton (5-2) stays a game up on Packing Heat (4-3) and Worthy of Greatness (4-3). Dobler (3-4) is under .500 and looking up at everyone in its division, hoping to turn its season around in Week 8. Contributing Writer: Alonzo Beadle Worthy of My Greatness vs. Ram I Am It was the Bye week challenge for Worthy of My Greatness as The Core Four of his team were on Bye as he faced Ram I Am who left two open roster spots due to bye weeks. The hope was that he would be able to squeak by this week with a hard earned victory. Filled with fantasy dreams Mr. Worthy work up early and looked at his phone and saw that he was down by 48 points and the games hadn't started?! WHAAAAT, as he arose wondering if he got up late and his clock was off the mark?! Ah, but it was true Phillip Rivers continued his hot hand throwing lightning bolts for two strikes and 28 points while WMG's QB & bench was found unworthy. After the game two limeys invited the defeated for a consolation prize of tea and crumpets. Victory Ram I Am. Kashyyyk Wookies vs Mr Cha -Ching It looked AS IF this one was in the bag for Mr Cha -Ching as the Cashleees Wookies had been putting bottom feeder points on the board during the season but to everyone's surprise the Wookies Denver-D Cashed in Arizona for 42 blistering points while Carson Went crazy for 22 points and the Wookies never looked back. The Cha -Ching started to roll out the fedia but came up short 21 pesos. While leaving the field Mr. Cha -Ching was heard saying "how'D that hole get in my pocket"... Victory Kashyyyk Wookies. Contributing Writer: Janelle Caballero Chief Deflators vs Packing Heat After being thoroughly deflated in Week 6 by the Armed Rodgery, the Deflators were hoping for a huge comeback win against the Packing Heat. At the start of the week, there seemed to be little hope for the Big Chief as they were projected to lose by 30 points. However, with a hot start from their QB Trubisky their projections jumped up prematurely and gave the Deflators some hope. Unfortunately, for them the rest of their team decided to take the week off. With the exception of Travis Kelce (14 pts) and Brandin Cooks (12 pts), the rest of the Deflators each scored less than 9 points. Packing Heat turned on the power boosters in the Sunday night game, with Mahomes and Hill combining for 57 points. Armed Rodgery vs. Ertz when Eifert Every season there’s the one team that stands above the rest. This year, that team is the current reigning champions, Ertz when Eifert. With the exception of a one point loss in week 1, the Ertz has been unbeatable. Armed Rodgery was hoping to put an end to that winning streak. The rest of the league looked on with anticipation and hope that someone would finally take down the mighty juggernaut. Sadly, the Armed Clan were out of ammunition with their star QB on BYE, and Matt Brieda leaving the game early with an injury but not before producing a fumble in the process. Five players combined for a total of 15 points which really put the Ertz at an advantage. The only sharpshooters of the group were the newly acquired, James White (26 pts) and Saquon Barkley (22 pts). Next up on Ertz victim list: Mr. Cha-Ching. Perhaps money can buy them a victory??!??
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Welcome to the "Goodfellas & a Bad Girl" weekly recap. Contributing Writers: Justin Moreno, Alonzo Beadle, Janelle Caballero & Dana Gretchen.
Contributing Writer: Justin Moreno Lloyd Dobler vs Packing Heat Packing Heat (and Armed Rodgery) took a road trip to Visalia to work at a wedding, but more importantly to experience the wonderful hospitality offered by Lloyd Dobler. After the welcoming party was over, Packing Heat threw a serious beat down on Lloyd. Lloyd Dobler, on paper, has all the pieces to make a playoff run. But the team has not fired on all cylinders this year, which it could not afford to do in their Week 6 matching against a red-hot Packing Heat squad. Dobler got somewhat predictable scoring from Luck (30), Gurley (35), and Elliot (18). Luck is on a terrible team and is often playing catchup, as was the case against the J-E-T-S. So his 4 TD’s were a welcome sight, but the 3 picks were not. Gurley went off for 208 yards and 2 TD’s as he continues to rip up the league. But Amari Cooper – yuck – posted a big fat goose egg. I thought this guy would have a solid year, so I’m not sure what’s happening up in Oakland (intentional tanking?). In any case, Dobler, the amazing host, put up a respectable 117 points, and still got decimated. Packing Heat actually had the game won before the Sunday night matchup between the Chiefs and Patriots, featuring the #1 QB in the league (Mahomes). Mahomie dropped a cool 38 points, despite losing to the Patriots. By the time the Sunday night game started, Lloyd was drinking beer and asking when Packing Heat (and Armed Rodgery) would be headed home. Never before has an amazing host felt so humiliated in the history of mankind. In all seriousness, Packing Heat tore up Week 6. Melvin Gordon (33), Julio Jones (24), Thielen (29) – wish I would have drafted him!, Ebron (10), and Allen (10). After the bludgeoning of the host was over, Packing Heat had a cool 161 points on the board, and that’s with Tyreek Hill (40 points) sitting on the bench. Packing Heat is stacked and looks poised to destroy other challengers. Moral of the story: Don’t host her, unless you can hack her account and bench a few players. L: Lloyd Dobler (117 pts) Record: 3-3 W: Packing Heat (161 pts) Record: 3-3 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contributing Writer: Alonzo Beadle Worthy of My Greatness vs. Mr Cha -Ching The Worthy ones trotted onto the field led by The Core Four. James "Bond" Conner, Davante "Love Me" Adams, Antonio "Down Town" Brown and Ooooh those "Golden" Jimmy Grahams who busted out a solid 99pts. The crew put 138 points worth of beat down on the Cha -Ching. Mr -Ching's all time fav captain Cam The Big Fig Newton put up 27 points while 5 of his mates cashed out with only 10 points total. It was a sad day as Mr. continued his now 3 game loser streak. Would next week by his fourth?! :O Victory WMG! L: Mr. Cha-Ching (79 pts) Record: 3-3 W: Worthy of My Greatness (138 pts) Record: 4-2 Ertz when Efiert vs Truffle Shuffle So far the Ertz seems to be dominating the league but would he continue his master against the Truffle? It wouldn't take long as each Ert, fierted double digits while Matt Von Ryan's Express powered down the tracks for 33pts. There was a lil Tuffle with the Shuffle as the Truffle's lined up for their routine. Imagine the confusion when one of the Ertz members quietly played the record from LMFAO's Sexy and I know it? Everyone was shocked as they shuffled to "Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, yeah". :O Victory Ertz! L: Truffle Shuffle (89 pts) Record: 2-4 W: Ertz when Eifert (150 pts) Record: 5-1 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contributing Writer: Janelle Caballero Bye Week vs. Bye Week… um, I mean Wookies Three years removed from a Fantasy Championship and one year from being the top-seeded team heading into the playoffs last season, the Wookies are looking like they are in a ‘rebuilding year’. Heading into week 6, they had a 1-5 record, quite possibly their worst start in franchise history. After week 6, they now have 614 total points scored, which puts them 275 points behind the highest scoring team, Ertz when Eifert. It’s not hard to figure out why they haven’t been scoring many points each week, with only 1 player ranked in the top 10 of their position who’s not injured. Their TE, Kittle, gets that title, who the Wookies payed $26 off the waiver wire for. Their other top 10 player, Cooper Kupp (ranked 9 at WR), is now injured and will be out at least through week 7. Now let’s look at BYE Weeks, stats. Heading into week 6, they had a 2-3 record. Definitely not terrible, but could use some vast improvement. Through week 7 they’ve scored, 577 points, which puts them 312 points behind Ertz. However, in recent weeks their player rankings have gotten better, and they have 5 players ranked in the top 10 of their position. Given these stats, the real BYE Week team, had an actual shot at beating the Wookies. Playing QB for BYE Week was the red hot, Goff, coming off a 52-point affair in week 4, but was held to only 7 points against a strong Denver defense. The Wookies QB, Watson who has had a relatively slow start this season, also finished with a measly 7 points. Good thing these two teams didn’t tie on team points, or their QBs would’ve lost them the game. Needless to say, this was a pretty ho-hum game with most of the Wookies action coming from their benched players (86 points on the bench?!?). BYE Week had a few bright spots on the team: WR Alshon Jeffery (24 points), WR Taylor Gabriel (17 points) and their kicker Butker (18 points). In the end, BYE week kicked Wookies Butker right where it counts. L: Wookies (51 pts) Record: 1-5 W: Bye Week (83 pts) Record: 3-3 Armed Rodgery vs Chief Deflators Armed Rodgery? Honestly this team should be named, Armed Barkley. The #2 ranked RB, Saquon Barkley has scored 145 points for the Armed clan. That’s pretty great for a guy who’s playing on one of the worst offenses in the league (NY Giants). Heading into this matchup these two teams seemed pretty evenly matched, but a strong showing from Armed Rodgers (33), Sheriff Barkley (36), Outlaw Boyd (23) and Texas Ranger Hooper (18) put the Armed Brigade ahead of the Deflators by 68 points. A big fat goose egg by Alfred Morris, left the Deflators, well… a little deflated. Let’s see if their team can bounce back in week 7. L: Deflators (73 pts) Record: 3-3 W: Armed Rodgery (141 pts) Record 3-3 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contributing Writer: Dana Gretchen Straight Outta Goffton vs Ram I Ain't 154 vs 49 Well another week in the books and another chance for Viju to smell that sweet toilet paper on his favorite trophy. Its been a crazy season to this point, but who cares because rams are the best team in football! Oh its hurt for so long, I was starting to even miss the Sam Bradford and Stephen Jackson days, and those really sucked, but its all good now. So Viju... take 49 points and jump for joy! L: Ram I Am (49 pts) Record 3-3 W: Straight Outta Goffton (154 pts) Record 4-2 THE END Contributing Writer: Viju Mathew Hi One Leaguers, you’re friend Oprah here. As I’m sure all of you are aware, September was not only when the NFL’s regular season started, it was also National Literacy Month. With that in mind, I’m starting a branch of my famous book club just for y’all. Now I know some of you haven’t cracked open a book since Reading Rainbow was your must see TV, but it’s time to empower yourselves people and let the written word work wonders on your quality of life. (No, Alonzo and Carlos, coloring books don’t count.) Anywho, I’ve taken it upon myself to come up with our reading list for the first few months. These are American classics that everyone should know, but I’ve provided a brief synopsis in case you were home with mono that year of high school (looking at you Lils).  As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner The 1930’s story of three close friends, Will Fuller, Kenny Stills, and Dion Lewis who skip work one day, a day that their kind-hearted employer at the farm really needed them because he had been brutally attacked by the evil Tom Brady whom he caught stealing kale. A passerby, Brandon Cooks, tried to save him but only managed to hear “Ram I am” muttered through the last wheezing breath of the brave man before he expired. The book is written in the stream-of-consciousness style which makes it often hard to follow, much like Leonard Fournette’s injury status.  On the Road by Jack Kerouac A work that helped define the Beat generation, the tale told is of a fresh-faced young Patrick Mahomes and his friends who travel in Bohemian fashion to prove that money is not their master. Not even sheriff Cam Newton or the formidable Cardinals gang are a match for the heat their packing. The cha-ching of pocket change is all they need to be happy and free, until cirrhosis of the liver sets in—just like Jack.  Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury A book about the banning of books, this ironic piece of fiction is a chilling account of what happens when the wrong people become powerful. Viewing none worthy of their greatness, the ruthless regime led by the enigmatic Odell Beckham Jr. and James Connor crush a rebel insurgence under captain Kirk Cousins. Sure the band of book burners are hot for the moment, but despotic dreams inevitably get extinguished.  A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway Falsely accused of committing armed rodgery, a young Saquon Barkely escapes the United States and joins the Italian Army’s ambulance corps during WWI. He befriends a soldier named Aaron, who, despite being easily injured (and a bit pouty), helps Saquon beat up a weakened enemy who rely too heavily on an old man of questionable character, Adrian Petersen. Sadly, Saquon falls in love with an English nurse, Mason Crosby, who eventually kicks him to the curb. The Italian Army adopts the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy soon after.  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey The harrowing account of a mentally sound man (ok, reasonably sound), Lloyd Dobler, who finds himself trapped in a hospital for the criminally insane. Doctors Isaiah Crowell and Stefon Diggs misdiagnose the protagonist and convince him that winning is bad and that he needs to be punished. Before his loved ones can get him out, Dobler is given a lobotomy and is left to live a life where every day is a Bye Week.  Moby Dick by Herman Melville (Quite snickering Carlos, that’s really the name of the book). Melville’s timeless tome is a study of two powerful forces engaged in mortal conflict: Captain Ahab Gofton and, well, a whale. The two hard-chargers are bent on destroying each other. Despite the valiant effort of sailors Marshawn Lynch and Alvin Kamara, who try to sabotage both sides and level the playing field, another crewman (and member of Greenpeace), Christian McCafffrey, helps the whale win. Remember, One Leaguers, all of these novels can be purchased at oprah.com. First meet-up is at my place in Montecito. Oh, and bring plenty of Cab Franc…it gets Stedman frisky.
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