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Contributing Writer: Collette Emshoff
OMG! First of all, hats off to stellar coaching by Andy Reid & Sean McVay. Truly the front runners of the NFL. Andy Reid poses the Chiefs offense in shotgun formation. While McVay leads the NFL in the Rams under center formation. Then perfectly matched were the defense of both teams. The Rams defense scored two touchdowns and the Chiefs defense scored one touchdown. A competitive game with caliber players. Between the two, Rams and Chiefs gained 1001 yards. Scored 104 points. It goes down in history as the most points scored in MNF and third most in NFL history. The first game in which each team scored 50 points. The only team to have scored fifty points and lost. Absolutely everybody got in on the action. In fantasy points: Mahomes: 50 points Goff: 44 points Conley: 24 points Reynolds: 19 points Hill:47 points Kelce:29 points Kareem: 17 points Rams D/ST :24 points Chiefs D/ST: 23 points Greatest regular game! Could we see this rematch for the Super Bowl?
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Contributing Song Writer & Video Production: Tom AgayoffContributing Writer: Janelle Caballero
Welcome to the 5th Annual Mid-Season Awards! We are your hosts, Bob Saget and Katy Perry, and we’re excited to bring you the most anticipated award show EVER. And yes, we’re being serious. This award show is brought to you by Tito’s Vodka, because without them, you can’t have Moscow Mules. And life without drinks in copper mugs is no life at all. As many of you are aware, this award show was previously hosted on the Fountain Network, but was moved to our network after last year’s host had one too many martini’s on stage. Um, I mean it moved networks due to streaming rights. So let’s begin our award reveals… who’s ready? Take it away, Bob. Trashtalker of the Year award: While he cannot be described as a “trash talking” King, the owner of Worthy of My Greatness is often seen flapping his lips on the smack boards… I mean his team name is basically trash talk to everyone else in the league. Let’s see if they really are worthy of greatness in the playoffs. (In Alonzo’s acceptance speech there were a lot of *Waves* and *Hugs*. He wrapped up his speech with a “Holy Cow Bortles please be my hero!” *Chuckles* before exiting the stage) As we didn’t have any Rookies this season, the Rookie of the Year award has been replaced with the Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen Award: One year after putting in a 9-4 season, Mr. Cha-Ching sits at 3-7 and looks to finish below .500. He’s also in contention to play for the coveted Toilet Bowl Trophy. (We’re sorry to say that Mr. Cha-Ching couldn’t make it here to accept this award… he’s too busy spending his FAAB money on kickers.) Comeback Owner of the Year: One year after going 4-9 all season, BYE Week is already 4-6 with 3 weeks left. The other Comeback Owner… Packing Heat. Heat also had a 4-9 record last year, and is now sitting at 6-4 and has a decent shot at the playoffs. (While we do have 2 winners this year, only one will get the trophy, so I guess you’ll have to duel it out after the show. We don’t want to see that onstage so please remain in your seats.) Our next award, really does not have a surprise winner this year… You'd Really Have to Screw up to Miss the Playoffs award: Ertz when Eifert has sealed up their playoff spot, and not only that, they have already clinched a Division Leader win. As of week 10, they have a 9-1 record. With only 3 weeks left to play in the regular season, the team closest to him is Ram I Am with a 5-5 record. He’s also 2 wins away from securing the best Head-to-Head record EVER recorded in this league. Previous winner of that title: Ertz when Eifert with a 10-3 record in 2016. The same year he lost in the 2nd round of the playoffs. (Clay reaches the stage and grabs the microphone… “I win at LIFE people. Deal with it!” Exits stage left, holding the trophy over his head) No Shot of the Playoffs award: Those delicious Truffles need some Shuffle in their step if they are going to avoid the dreaded Toilet Bowl…. Fortunately for them, they have some competition with Mr. Cha-Ching hanging out in the basement with them. Mired in Mediocrity award: Well, this award goes to… the entire Abusement Park Division. All four teams are either at 4-6 or 3-7. Whichever team snags a 6-7 record could easily win that division…. By a landslide. Worst Trade Offer award: Well, this award is normally reserved for Straight Outta Goffton, and while the Awards Committee has witnessed some tragic trade offerings this year by SOG…. he was actually the recipient of a bad trade deal when he dealt away James White for LeSean McCoy. Since that trade, McCoy has only 2 games with over 10 points, while White has had 4. Crappiest Team with a Winning Record: And the winner is….Ram I Am. Despite having the lowest total points scored on the season (839 pts) he sits surprisingly at .500 with a 5-5 record. Will he continue this defiance of the fantasy gods or will his crappy team finally catch up to him? Most Frugal Team Owner: Spending money on your team can be a recipe for success… not spending money on your team? Perhaps a recipe for disaster. Just ask the Kashyyk Wookies ($232) and Mr. Cha-Ching ($220) ….. They have 4-6 and 3-7 records respectively. Perhaps they will learn to part with their money so they can build a decent team next year…..or as Jon Gruden calls it a 10-year plan. Well, Folks this wraps up our fabulous Mid-Season Awards show. We’re hoping you found it as exciting as we did, and perhaps next year the show will be on a new network. One with better drinks. Good night. Contributing Writer: Alonzo Beadle
Bye Week vs. Chiefly Deflated It was the battle of We're Not Quite at 500 yet between Chiefly Deflated and oh... it's another Bye Week. Bye Weakly Tee offed on their right foot as QB Jared Goffed a stellar round of 31 off of the back 9 while Stefan "Can you Digg it" Diggs pulled in 28 pts. But would that be enough to hold off the Deflated one as 3, three, threeee of Bye Weakly's team had 3 pts each? The Patriots came to the Defense by singing Yankee Doodle Dandy and scored 20 pts. The Chiefs would not allow themselves to be tomahawk chopped on any Bye Weakly basis and got to work. Mitchel the Truebeasty of Chicago tossed the pigskin for a solid 27 pts. The Eagles D soared for 11 and Stephen Gastikowski let his legs to the walking for 15. Things were looking good until Brandin only Cooked for 7 and the Ingram Angle came out at 8. It was left up to Travis Kelce to bring home the bacon but was found in the corner whispering 18 times "there's no place like home"... L: Chief Deflators (90 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Bye WEek (107 pts) Record: 4-4 Ertz When Eifert vs. Mr. Cha-Ching Next up was the battle between the looongest losing streak vs the looongest winning streak as MR CHA -CHING tried to dethrone Ertz when Eifert. Magic CAN happen on ANY given Sunday but today wouldn't be one of them! Cam the Big Fig Newton threw for 31 and Derek drove Cha -Chings Carr for 33 both while sitting on the bench but don't worry Joe Flaco thinned down his points to only 10. We know, we know,... it's all in your strategy. All wasn't lost for Mr Cha -Ching as Joe Mix'DIn 26 and Mike Evans shone for 31. The final result,... The losing and winning streak continue. L: Mr. Cha-Ching (117 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Ertz when Eifert (147 pts) Record: 7-1 Contributing Writer: Justin Moreno Lloyd Dobler vs Kashyyyk Wookies This week, Dobler made the right call by starting Luck (29 points) over Brees (8 points). But even that could not salvage the week as Dobler had several poor performances by Funchess (2 points), Burton (1 point), and Allison (1 point). By the time Sunday night rolled around, Dobler’s kicker, Will Lutz would have needed a 30 point game and hope that Latavius Murray would have got skunked. Lutz did his best (16 points) and unfortunately for Dobler, Murray had a great night (19 points). Dobler did have a few players show up – Luck 29 points), Gurley (33 points – STUD), Lindsay (16 points), and Goodwin (13 points). But otherwise, it wasn’t a great week which led to another “L”. The only position battle won by Dobler was maybe the RB (Gurley) and the K (Lutz). Not a good recipe for winning. The Wookies coach looks like a genius as APAD Adrian Peterson continues to roll along (27 points, 2 TDs, 149 yards – including a 64 yard game clinching TD). That’s old-school. He continues to move up the all-time NFL top 10 RB yardage list, as he just passed Tony Dorsett to move into the #9 slot. Next up, Eric Dickerson. The Wookies also had great scoring from Wentz (27 points), Jordan Howard (14 points). Marvin Jones (29 points), Golden Tate (10 points), and Kittle (10 points). Overall, with the Wookies win, both teams sit at 3-5. The Wookies’ record may not look great, but the team can score. The last two weeks it has come up with 150 points and 143 points. The two weeks before that, they only scored 75 and 51 points. And the team has scored 152 points and still got a loss. If the Wookies can avoid sub 100 point games, it can go on a run and maybe jump into the playoffs and do some damage. Meanwhile, Dobler is 3 games back in its division and hoping to turn its season around this week. Cooper to the Cowboys! He’s still benched this week. L: Lloyd Dobler (120 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Kashyyyk Wookies (143 pts) Record: 3-5 Contributing Writer: Dana Gretchen SOG vs Armed Rodgery 105-84 He came busting through the door! He was about to take down the bank of goftton! He was armed to the max! He just got his new weapon James White, he had the best QB in the game. But as he approached the security guard he suddenly realized he forgot tho load them.... he took a shot with his Saquan Barkley but only little bubbles came out, this was getting embarrassing. The bank of Goffton was catching on, so they pushed there Kareem hunt button under the counter. All of a sudden the building was surrounded by Andy Daulton's, these red headed step child's were not messing around! Mr Armed Rodgery could here them through the mega phone telling him to put his 84 points down, he was so confused at this point.So as a last resort he pulled out his TY Hilton and his Randle Cobb and started shooting, but the guns were pointed at himself so he died. L: Armed Rodgery (84 pts) Record: 3-5 W: Straight Outta Goffton (105 pts) Record: 6-2 Ram I Am vs Truffle Shuffle All I can say about this match up is points were used up in other match ups this week, so these are the leftovers. Truffles have had it rough! No Bell to ring for backup when the going gets rough. And as far as the other opponent, the title "RAM" should be taken away. The LA Rams sent me a letter saying they are happy to take a win but embarrassed by the performance. L: Truffle Shuffle (61 pts) Record: 2-6 W: Ram I Am (73 pts) Record: 5-3 Contributing Writer: Janelle Caballero Worthy of My Greatness vs Packing Heat In an interdivision matchup the WMG took on the Packing Heat in week 8. Both teams have some solid players and have potential to take their team into the postseason. The battle of the QB was an easy win for the Heat as their team captain is the red-hot rookie sensation, Patrick Mahomes. Mahomes scored 34 points for the Heat. Meanwhile, the Worthy’s QB is the over-the-hill Eli “Babyface” Manning, who settled for a mere 14 points. (Update: Manning was immediately dropped to the waiver wire after this game) Unfortunately, for the Heat, the battle of the QB was only the beginning of this saga. Worthy’s team would outscore the Heat in every position except for kicker. Despite scoring 117 points, the Heat’s fire was put out by the Greatness’ 153 points. The battle of the division leader continues with SOG in the top spot. Who will hold that crown at the end of the season? L: Packing Heat (117 pts) Record: 4-4 W: Worthy of My Greatness (153 pts) Record: 5-3 |
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