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Contributing Writer: Josh Caballero of Obi-Juan Kenobi
“We are all either kings or pawns, emperors or fools.”-Napoleon Bonaparte What a way to begin the playoff season, right?! Some of us scratching our way into playoff contention, others struggling to keep their heads above water and away from the infamous Toilet Bowl that flushes fantasy dreams down the proverbial drain pipe. In our fantasy league there is going to be 1 winner, 10 losers and 1 toilet bowl winner/loser that we all get to point the finger at and give grief for the next year. But let’s be honest, we are all a bunch of losers and as such “there is no honor among thieves” (or in our case losers) We all have lost in this league at one time or another and likely multiple times like myself. It’s ok, I can handle it. Just don’t tell Clay, Justin or Russell. They might challenge you to some Ironman competition, marathon or century ride of death to prove you wrong. What my main point is, winning in this league is great but to me it seems that the most infamous part of our league is the little (larger than the winners) trophy that is held over all of our heads throughout the year and the title that comes with it. In a way, it has become our mascot and as such has terrified us all in a way I wouldn’t have imagined. Even the mediocrity (middle place) trophy that had once been the toilet bowl trophy brings with it a stigma that when Tom received it a couple of years ago, was so distraught that he received it and believed that he was the toilet bowl loser for months. Just keep in mind that we are all just a bad draft, bad waiver wire pick, player injury or worst trade offer away from being the next first place loser in this league. Don’t forget it, embrace it, try to keep it at the top of mind all of us are losers in our own way. For instance, Clay and Dana. Our first place division leaders, they each had their worst scores ever for the first time in weeks. Worse than anyone else in the league. Don’t blame it on them not setting their lineups either, their benches didn’t show much promise either. I know what everyone is thinking because I thought it too. “Why didn’t their team do that when I played them?” Meanwhile Clay is at some Mexican beachside resort with some foo foo drink in hand still pondering the thought of me calling him a fantasy loser while trying to exact revenge for saying so and Dana is likely on a golf course putting in another round of 18 all the while curbing his desire to offer bad trades with his 50-plus other leagues he’s in. You see, they don’t care because first place feels like a warm blanket. At least for the time being, until Thursday comes around and they have to start fighting again. Two more weeks of this, I for one am going to set my lineup, I’m sending uplifting social media posts directly to the players on my starting lineup and then I’m going to make another Manhattan because that’s what winners do. And then I’m going to maybe stretch in preparation of the Ironman/marathon/century ride of death. May the best losingest losers lose.
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Contributing Writer: Tom Agayoff of Klueless in ChicagO What does that mean? It means we're nearing the time when we can finally clear our minds of all the confusion and brain fog we’ve been experiencing these last several weeks. Many of us have had moods that are as changeable as the tides. (Don’t believe me just ask your family and friends) And like the tides, those moods are dictated by many things including the weather. What has weather got to do with fantasy football, you say? Hang on, bear with me for a second. I’m talking about the season. You notice it I'm sure, you just might not realize it. I’m talking late dawn and early sunsets. Shorter days and longer nights. For all of us in the Northern Hemisphere, December 21 will mark the longest night and shortest day of the year. So we let this endeavor (fantasy football) distract us and confuse our minds, which is quite easy for me really. For instance the time my brother and I were attending basic training together in Lackland AFB in Texas and there was a blanket party. It was a night I’ll never forget. It had such a profound affect on the rest of my life that... Where was I? Yes that's right December 21st. Right December 21st. Anyways December 21st means one thing to me. More Sunlight
In the Rohan division there appears to be 4 teams that are showing little effect of SAD. Ertz when Eifert, Obi-Juan Kenobi, Lloyd Dobler, and Prickly Prancin. Now Obi-Juan Kenobi was easy to figure out. Having only made 6 trades all season indicates that he had a really good draft. As to why his decisions haven’t turn to dirt, the answer lies in his 2 week trip to Indonesia and his additional 2 weeks in Costa Rica. In a word Sunlight. I was a little puzzled at first about Prickly Prancin, then I remembered an Instagram post. He’s got sunshine in his life. Now Lloyd Dobler made 12 acquisitions, an indication of an average draft. So the good decisions made since the draft has to be attributed to the desert sunshine. Clean dry desert sunshine. As for Ertz only 6 players remaining from the draft. His 11 acquisitions show a keen eye for talent. Ertz, do you have sunshine in your life? In the Gondor division there are only 2 teams that show little sign of SAD. Straight Outta Goffton and Golden One. Now the Golden One had an average draft, only 9 acquisitions, and 1 on IR. I figure it’s the walks during lunch that have helped here. Straight Outta Goffton on the other hand has only 4 players from the draft left. He replaced them with a whopping 34 acquisitions. And for the most part these trades were successful. So unless he has sunshine in his life I can only infer that it’s the constant light from the monitors that is having an effect here. There are 3 teams in the Gondor division the exhibit what I call Syndrome X. These are Powered by Donuts, 50 Shades of Caitlyn and Cleveland’s Dawg Pound. As far as Syndrome X goes, for us guys, we all were told by our mothers in our childhood, “boy, you have a thick skull.” (may have been my dad). The fairer sex doesn’t seem to have this problem, thick skull that is. This is evident by the fact that in Alaska they have the running of the bulls not cows. I remember that time in Sespe hot springs in December I participated in this very ritual. Now as to why Powered by Donuts, 50 Shades of Caitlyn and Cleveland’s Dawg Pound have not fared much better let’s look at some stats. Cleveland’s Dawg Pound has been decimated by injury, 6 players falling to IR. 50 Shades of Caitlyn has had 2 on IR and has made a 56 activations but has still failed to climb up. It may just be hormones in her/his case.  As for Powered by Donuts watch out. Having only 6 players left from the draft she has been making moves recently. I mean the way she knocked me out of the playoffs on Monday night was brilliant. I was hoping in 50 shades but it seems 50 shades might be SAD after all. (:-( Now for the teams that exhibit SAD completely. Kashyyyk Wookies, Ram I Am and Klueless in Chicag0. The first statistic that stands out is that we are the lowest teams in PF (points for). In fact the only other team you could place in the category would be 50 Shades. Our acquisitions have been poor at best. 4,8 and 19 total.
Congratulations to the winners. Hope it’s better next year for the losers. Is it December 21st yet? Hey “commish” I propose a new trophy the SAD trophy. (:-(  One more thing, we all had to write a week recap this year and there have been some very good efforts. So I think we all realize how difficult expressing ourselves can be when we're suffering from SAD. I nominate the League manager as the manager of the year. After all keeping this bunch of misfits together is a chore. Thanks Janelle for keeping us from being really SAD.  |
