Contributing Writer: Viju Mathew of Ram I Am “Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a B&!@% off the field right now. Out. He’s fired. He’s fired!'” — Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States
Last weekend, POTUS was peeved at the fact that many professional football players were not worshipping the flag the same way he does. His boisterous base of support rallied to the cause, insulted that individuals were actually respecting the military by exercising a freedom that soldiers die for to ensure…oh, the insolent insolence. Trump’s fans fumed as, unlike Charlottesville, there were not good people on both sides of this issue, only pigment-rich rebels protesting in deafening silence. One group bludgeoned by the Commander-in-Chief’s bluster was fantasy football’s stalwart One League to Rule Them All, which, though politically neutral, were tackled by an offensive line of tweets from the nation’s top dog—each less than 140 characters of cruelty. Obi-Juan Kenobi (128) vs. Mr-Cha-Ching (121) @realDonaldTrump A shame that patriot Aaron Rodgers has to waste talent on a team owned by Obi-Juan Kenobi—obviously immigrant, probably illegal. #votevader @realDonaldTrump Derek Carr and Raiders, overrated. Kenny Golladay, a disgrace. Mr. Cha-Ching, go back to CHI-NA! #kareemhuntmancrush Ertz when Eifert (101) vs. Klueless in Chicago (93) @realDonaldTrump Love these teams and their owners, great Americans. A testament to diversity, two different types of Caucasian altogether. #passthetorch @realDonaldTrump Jordan Howard 31 points, grew up running from the cops. Seattle Seahawks, embarrassing negative 3 points, liberal losers. #obamasteam Ram I Am (128) vs. Packing Heat (59) @realDonaldTrump Lam I Am makes me sick, heard his team’s a sleeper cell—get those goat herders outta here! #melaniawantshim @realDonaldTrump Packing Heat’s performance disappointing. League’s affinity for affirmative action to blame, sad. #Brettfavresayshi Kiss My Heisman (122) vs. Chief Deflater (93) @realDonaldTrump Kiss My Heisman owner is one of the good ones from Mexico. #dontquoteme @realDonaldTrump Inviting Kirk Cousins to the White House, but just him. #dansnyderistherealracist @realDonaldTrump Chief Deflater represents the heartland of this great nation, except for losing. #biblebeltbeatdown @realDonaldTrump Tom Brady carried Chief Deflater, he’s my personal friend—you’re welcome. #icouldcoachbetterthanbelichick Kashyyyk Wookies (83) vs. Straight Outta Gofton (79) @realDonaldTrump Lame game. Both teams terrible. Roethlisberger deserves defeat staying in locker room during anthem, shameful. #terminatetomlinson @realDonaldTrump At least Gofton owner golfs, I’m great at gold, just the best. #beercartgirls Lloyd Dobler (124) vs. Golden One (77) @realDonaldTrump Golden One, name reminds me my trip to Russia…good times. Son-in-law Kushner plays better ball than Kelvin Benjamin #partylikeputin @realDonaldTrump Lloyd Dobler, great movie. Gurley, his name says it all. Ezekiel Elliot, my kind of man, except black. #domesticabuseisfakenews *** Opinions, fake news and facts are provided by the author, not the league. ****
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