Anecdotes of a Fantasy Cagematch

Contributing Writer:  Josh Caballero

​Hello fellow One Leaguers, another football season has started and only 3 weeks in. In such a short amount of time we have all been defeated at least once and defeated someone else at least once. I think that’s a new record. Nobody absolutely sucks… yet. However, there are a few teams that are standing out in their accumulated points.

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​Ertz, Heat and Dobler have accrued over 400 points each and possibly the biggest threats overall barring any major injuries. The funny thing is that Ram I Am (why is it when I say that I want to make a Popeye quote after?) has two wins under his belt and is not even breaking 300 points total?! His team name should be Gandalf’s Grunions  because he must be some kind of wizard making his opponents suspiciously lose when they play him. Let’s hope for less of that.

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Chingy and the Wook (they should really start a boy band) were the biggest threats in the preseason with their bank accounts but apparently they were too worried about spending those Schrute-Bucks or Lleprechaun dollars and saving them for a rainy day. It’s fortunate for the rest of us, I say. ​

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Deflategators of the Chiefs is a great team whom has a formidable force that really made my day when she overthrew the Worthwhile arrogance team… The greatest worthless team...worthy worthlessness… greatest failure… I’m not really sure what the team is called, it was derived from an ancient bakersfield manuscript and some say it was lost in translation years ago. Either way, Good job Deflatulancegators!

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Know what is delicious? Truffles! I also love truffle salt, have you tried it? If not, you should. I love shuffling with truffles too, but know what’s the best? The Goonies, probably because they never say “Die”. Lets hope they keep it that way and are able to find One-Eyed-Willey’s treasure trove of pirate ships and giant octopi, and BOOTY! Don’t let the losses bring you down, you just need some tricks up your sleeve like “slick shoes” or “bully blinders” and find your “fifty dowwa beel”.

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​SOGgy Bottom Boy has a chance this year too, keep them trades in check. Don’t let them be too SOGgy for those of us you so generously offer to.

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Last but not least Bye Bye Bye… do I hear a boy-band in here or is that just in my head? Nice pick up on the Fitzwagon!  I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little jealous about it. I was tempted to bid on him too, seemed like it was a longshot at first but he has some legit potential. Hopefully that 3.5% goes up a bit in the coming weeks. Just don’t blame yourself, you WERE playing the guy who had the most points in the entire league this week.

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